Motherhood is

I wrote a post that I wanted to publish on Mother’s Day, and then I realised it was a load of crap so I didn’t. So instead, a day late, I’m posting this reflection on motherhood, 7.5 weeks in (so clearly I’m an expert).

Motherhood is…

Motherhood is wondering whether your love will be enough for your child, and crying because you love her so much.

Motherhood is learning to do everything with one hand: hold your baby, make tea and toast, collect dirty muslin cloths from around the living room, rock her to sleep.

Motherhood is wishing you could have just one night alone to sleep properly, and missing the baby as she sleeps on your chest.

Motherhood is re-heating cups of tea three times before you can finish it, and realising at 3p.m. that all you’ve eaten all day is a biscuit.

Motherhood is loving your partner more than ever as watch them become a parent, and longing for the days when you could love each other in peace.

Motherhood is wondering when you will ever be able to go on holiday with your friends again, and crying when someone suggests leaving her for one evening.

Motherhood is hoping that you don’t screw up your kid, and being certain that you will.

Motherhood is wishing that everyone would get the f*** out of your house, and being desperate for some company that can speak actual words.

Motherhood is sleeping in a separate bed to your partner because it’s the only way that at least one of you might get some sleep.

Motherhood is wanting to get fit again, start working again, have hobbies again, and not wanting to miss a single one of your sweet baby’s smiles.

Motherhood is not wanting to become one of those people who only talks about their baby, and not wanting to talk about anything else.

Motherhood is wanting more babies, and worrying that you’ll never love another as much as you love this one.

Motherhood is missing your old life, and knowing that you didn’t understand love like this until the day she was born.